Every week, the crack team at the Legion of Blog transcribes all the outlandish things that Don Cherry says on Saturday night and responds to them for our faithful blog readers. This week, Grapes sounds off on the OHL Cup and hybrid icing, in an episode I like to call SLEDGERHAMMING!
The episode is available here at Youtube (CBC.ca was down Sunday night). The quoted words below belong to Don Cherry, unless otherwise noted.
“Listen, Randy Carlyle got traded for Dave Burrows, good guy, but we were at the Bruins morning skate and he come out, he was with Pittsburgh, and it’s ‘how did they ever trade you? You’re going to win the Norris Trophy!’ And he did!”
Okay, well that was a terrible anecdote. Who said what, why, when? How bad was Dave Burrows with the Toronto Maple Leafs?
“And one of his big things along with your Mom’s favourite, J.C. Tremblay, he could flip the puck when you’re coming in on him, watch what Toronto’s doing now! Out, and one more, you’re not in trouble…”
Toronto flipping the puck forward now thanks to Carlyle explains why the Leafs have won so many games since Randy Carlyle was brought aboard. Out, you’re not in trouble.
Defensively, sure, but it doesn’t change the fact the team has scored just 11 goals at 5-on-5 in 8 games since Carlyle was brought aboard. They absolutely can’t move the puck. This is because the team doesn’t have any puck movers, not because of the way they exit the zone.
“How many times have I said this? Out, for the T’ranna Maple Leafs?”
Of the playoff race? Many times, Don, although usually when he brings it up its out of personal, not professional, criticism of Brian Burke.
“They’re in there sledgerhamming around…”
Eff off, spell check. “Sledgerhamming” is a perfectly acceptable word.
“All you have to do is put the puck out! When in doubt, OUT!”
Prevent goals by not having the puck in the defensive zone. Got it, chief. Wait, does that team still employ Vesa Toskala?
“Now, it’s lucky that Neil is not around, and going in centre ice, and he had a Swede called Alverson, and watch this, Grabolski comin’ out…”
Alverson is a new variation on Daniel Alfredsson’s name. Grabolski is a new variation on Mikhail Grabovski’s name. Swedish players can’t hit, and Eastern European players skate with their heads down. Vintage.
“How stupid can a guy be makin’ five million?”
Probably not very stupid if he’s makin’ five million.
“Can you imagine if Neil was coming out like that? He’d be suspended right now! That’s how stupid they are now, and Neil, the guy that hit him, he’d get suspended. They should be suspended for being stupid!”
Chris Neil would get suspended for skating with his head down coming out of the zone? I think Cherry read Rule 48 backwards.
Anyway, for the next 12 seconds, Ron MacLean talked about Don Cherry’s suit just so that he could throw in the world’s worst pun.
“No, wait a minute, I want to talk about it first of all, the OHL Cup I’ve been there two days, I saw five games in two days, you cannot believe this Cup, lemme just tell you the guys that play in this game: the last three first round draft in the NHL, Tavares, Stamkos, Hall, played in this series…”
Ryan Nugent-Hopkins?
Like last week, I’m still not sure why Don Cherry is so proud of the fact that a minor hockey association that has the most players in the world develops some of the best hockey players in the world. That’s how “odds” work. It’s why every press release promoting the Québec International PeeWee Hockey Tournament always includes a list of the players who took part in the event, such as Brett Hull and Wayne Nishikawa.
Myself, I demand proportional representation at the NHL draft. I think the fine city of Kamloops, British Columbia is getting short-changed by this archaic system.
“Rookie of the Year Skinner played in this Cup and Perry, for Anaheim, was the MVP last year played in this Cup. Now we got Bennett scoring the goal, I know his Dad.”
SOUTHERN ONTARIO FAVERTISM.
“Nobody there at Hershey Centre watching, you people are so stupid…”
I went to Mississauga last year to cover the Memorial Cup. The Hershey Centre is a real nice building, but it’s right in the middle of suburbia and is a half hour walk from the nearest restaurant and about twenty minutes from the nearest bus stop.
There’s a reason why the Mississauga Majors don’t draw too well attendance-wise despite being a pretty quality program last season and hosting the Memorial Cup. There just isn’t a lot of interest in Toronto for lower levels of hockey (I don’t really know why, actually) and the fact the building that hosts their one OHL team is in a pretty un-favourable location doesn’t help.
Also, when I like to get a point across, I like to call my readers stupid.
“You should be there, it’s the greatest hockey in the world…”
No it isn’t. Stop saying this.
“Now you guys are telling me, I could tell you the five draft choices in order right now, and you’re saying I’m old school?”
Okay, shoot.
“Now I’m not telling cause they’ll get big heads…”
OK.
“I shouldn’t have mentioned McDavid last week because one of the papers finally found out about him and had him on the thing. Now, let’s go!”
Okay, there’s a lot of stuff here.
1 – Aaron Ekblad and John Tavares are the only two players to be granted exceptional status by the OHL to be drafted a year early. Connor McDavid is expected to be made a third. Tavares is doing okay I guess in the NHL and Ekblad has 29 points in 63 games with the Barrie Colts this season (and he is 15).
2 – Connor McDavid won’t be granted exceptional status because Don Cherry mentioned him on Coach’s Corner. He is already playing against older competition this season.
3 – Cherry complained just a few seconds earlier about how little exposure the tournament gets and how so few people seem to care. Then he complains about Toronto Star articles about the tournament’s big-name player.
4 – You just mentioned McDavid again.
5 – Just because it’s the thing, I’ll just say the name Josh Ho-Sang. I recognize the name from when he played in the “Allstate All-Canadian” game last summer. It turns out he’s pretty good, too, so when he becomes an NHL star, I’ll be the one to say “oh, well I totally called it.”
6 – In the off-chance that Josh Ho-Sang doesn’t become an NHL star, don’t worry, you won’t hear about it. That, or I’ll blame the fact that the endorsement from the Vancouver Province’s Legion of Blog gave Josh Ho-Sang a big head.
7 – In the spring of 2015, I will popularize a hashtag on Twitter called #LosangForHoSang, the equivalent of #SuckForLuck or #FailForNail.
“Oh, I got to, one more, I have to say, Mr. Illitch, thank you very much your, uh, little Ceasar was there, you pay their way, you pay for their uniforms, the greatest sports guy in the world, it’s nice to see an NHL club support the kids.”
Broadcasting 101, when plugging a sponsor or a friend’s company name, make sure you get the name of the company right and don’t make it sound like a diminutive Roman dictator was attending the event you’re discussing.
“Nah, the Marlies, hehe. They’ll win it.”
CAREFUL THEY’LL GET BIG HEADS
“Jeff Skinner, a little guy, I got something to say at the end about his suspension, watch just a little guy he gets banged around, and this here UH he gets suspended for this! He just pushed the guy! Are you kidding me?”
Cherry, he kicked a guy. He’s a little guy who, with force, propelled his skate at a guy’s leg. If the guy weren’t from Southern Ontario he’d be a “rat”. It was a Brad Marchand-like move.
“I’ve been kicked before, I don’t know how many games he got, I forget, but look he comes back and gets the goal, what a good little guy played in that Cup…”
Playing in the OHL Cup is what separates a rat from a “good little guy”.
Traditional hockey analysis is so annoyingly subjective. Stop doing it, everybody.
“You know, it’s a funny thing, how long have I been going on this here and you know what was said by the guy that was pushing it was saying that ‘you have to have… at the end, that it will save the defenceman.’”
Oh, brother, here we go. More on the icings.
“Now let me explain it first:”
Great. A geriatric with speech troubles is going to explain to me a complicated rule change. Perfect.
“Now, we won’t call it the ringette line, we’ll call it, uh, imaginary line.”
No, you shouldn’t call it the ringette line because the imaginary line created by hybrid icing isn’t at the ringette line.
“The linesman’s gotta see if the forward’s ahead of the defenceman at the dot. Well, yeah, they call it the line, the imaginary line.”
I’m reminded by the Simpsons: “Hello Homer, I am César Chávez.” “Well why do you look like Cesar Romero?” “Because you do not know what César Chávez looks like.”
“So he’s got to make sure. If the forward is ahead, they’re gonna let it go.”
“But if the defenceman is ahead, they’re gonna call the whistle.”
Okay, now I’m understanding this. Doesn’t seem too complicated.
“But if the defenceman is ahead, they’re gonna call the whistle.”
Not at all. Should cut down on injuries, right?
“Now here’s how it works out. If the forward goes ahead and if it’s a race and he can get hurt, they’re gonna let it go, but if he’s behind and he can’t get hurt, well, they’re gonna blow the whistle.”
He’s right. This does seem counter-intuitive, except when you consider they shouldn’t be occupying the same space since the forward will be trying to win the race to the dots, not the puck.
“And evidently the guys that pushing it and people in the National Hockey League don’t watch the games.”
We knew that, because at least one NHL General Manager recently traded for Jack Johnson.
“Forwards get hurt just as much as defencemen.”
“And I’m gonna show ya. Watch this forward get it… Are you stupid? Can’t you see there’s gonna be a big rush towards it.”
“Here’s why hybrid icing is awful” /shows touch-icing clip
“The sad part about it is going to kill no-touch icing.”
The NHL has been around for how many years now? And for how many years has no-touch icing not been around? Hybrid icing didn’t kill no-touch icing, the fact that nobody wants no-touch icing in the NHL killed no-touch icing.
“And my buddy Pat Peake…”
From ONTERRY-O!
Just kidding. Pat Peake is from Rochester, Michigan.
“Never played again, 17 goals,”
No, he did play again. The concussion and broken hand were also a hindrance to his development.
“And uh, Marty Reasoner, he was never the same…”
See, Don, when hockey players get old, they tend to not be the same. Marty Reasoner was once a capable defensive centreman. Now, he is not so much, because he is 34.
“But can you imagine somebody putting something like that in?”
Yes, I can imagine it, because the NHL is doing it. They’re an organization that’s smart because they drafted GTHL guys first overall.
“Everybody in the world has no-touch icing.”
Except…
“Oh, excuse me… except US Development team and US college team.”
Thank you!!
“It’s almost like somebody was pushed to this loves US college guys. I’m not mentioning any names…”
Eh, he means Burkie, of course.
Cherry’s disdain for the idea that anybody could ever make the NHL who isn’t from a small town in Saskatchewan or who played minor hockey in Greater Toronto has become a meme so persistent, it’s even wound up on Coach’s Corner.
*thumbs up*
